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You must know the answer to these two questions if you truly want to get your ex back and have a better relationship than you had before. After you’ve read the question, read the analysis of the answers.

A.    Whenever I think of my ex, I:

1. want to just sit down and cry. I can’t eat; I feel sick; I’m in a panic. All I can think about is, What can I do? What can I do? What, oh what, should I do to get my ex back?
2. yearn to call my ex or write and apologize, tell them how much I love them and say that I will do whatever they want me to in order to get them back.
3. turn on peaceful music or do something else that helps me calm down, so I can find my center again, reflect on what went wrong and why.
4. want to call my ex and yell at them for having caused me so much pain and embarrassment.

The right answer is 3.  Sadness, depression, even physical pain. It’s all there and more when you break up with the person you love. How do I get my ex back? A search on the Internet will lots of conflicting advice: Don’t call; do call (but only say this). Don’t write; do write (but only write that). Do apologize; don’t apologize.

But there is one area in which everyone agrees.

For someone fresh from a breakup, it’s the hardest advice to hear:
Get a grip on your emotions. Calm down. Before you do anything else, find your center. Once you’ve done that, then you can decide on your next step.

B.    after calming down, should I try to get my ex back by:

1. pretending that I don’t care?
2. pretending to be dating someone else, or even be in love with someone else?
3. hurting myself so my ex will feel guilty about having left me?
4. reflecting on what went wrong, and seeing if I can fix it?
5. being angry and sarcastic toward my ex every time I see him/her?

The right answer is 4. Pretending you don’t care or that you’re dating someone else can be risky. It might make your ex so jealous that he or she wants you back. But it could also make them think that, since you “moved on” so quickly, you never really cared.

So stay honest. And be kind. Think about it. If you were your ex, would you want to spend time with someone who was bitter or sarcastic?

Obviously, hurting yourself is just that — hurting yourself. It is not a way to ease your problems. It is the best way to increase them — and to drive your ex even further away.

By reflecting on what went wrong, you gain a powerful insight. If it’s something you did, then you know you can try to fix it. If it’s something that had nothing to do with you, then at least you know that you have nothing to feel guilty about. You may even be able to offer you ex help, to show them that they can depend on you.

Establishing friendship is the most important step along the road to getting your ex back — and keeping the relationship together.

Remember: It’s not just a matter of making up, but making up the right way.

What do you do when you’re coping with a broken heart and desperately want to get your ex back, but no one – not your friends or family – wants you to get him back? They all think he’s a creep or that she’s a user, and they think that the breakup was the “best thing that could have ever happened.” Their lack of sympathy is like having salt rubbed into the wound, isn’t it? It only increases your pain and your despair.

What should you do?

Should you please your friends and family by giving up your hope of getting him back or please your heart by pursuing your ex with single-minded determination? Both sides are dear to you, but it seems to be impossible to please everyone. Is there, you wonder, a middle ground?

It would be a lie to say there’s a sure-fire way to accomplish both goals. But here’s a reasonable strategy that will highly increase your chances of success.

1. Figure out two things: the reason for the breakup and the reason why your family and friends dislike your ex boyfriend or distrust your ex girlfriend. Are the reasons connected? (For example, did your ex leave you because she/he couldn’t stand your father’s disapproval or your mother’s interference, anymore?) Or are the reasons for the breakup totally disconnected? (For example, your ex boyfriend said he fell in love with someone else, and so his leaving had nothing to do with the fact that your family disliked him because of his ethnicity/accent/profession, etc.)

2. Figure out what can be done to ameliorate these reasons. Sometimes, nothing can be done. If your family is dead set against him, you must sit down and talk with them. If the reasons make sense (such as s/he is abusive, a drug user, etc.), then be mature enough to realize that your family is right. Their concern for you is justified. If, however, you honestly believe that your family and friends have no grounds for their objection, then you must explain that you want this person and you would apreciate their support in repairing your relationship. At the very least, they should do nothing to hinder your efforts to get him back. Explain that their resistance is only making it harder for you to deal with your broken heart.

3. Sit down and have a talk with your family and friends. Be prepared to state exactly how you feel about the reasons for their objections. Be respectful and stay calm. No matter what happens in that conversation, stay calm. Always explain that you love them and respect them, and that their opinions matter a great deal to you. You agree with them as to point x, y, and z. However, you intend to get your ex back. And then state why.

It is important to clear matters up with your family and friends before you take any action to get your ex back. You cannot ignore their feelings and expect them to be there for you when times get rough. Your family and friends will  demand clear answers from you about the reasons for the breakup and why you want this person back in your life. You can be circumspect about the reasons for the breakup, but you must be clear about why you want your ex back. Just saying, “he makes me happy” won’t cut it. Be specific. Point out things about your ex that your friends and family be unaware of: that he worked his way through college, that she raised her younger siblings, that he was there for you when [fill in the blank] and that you trust her because [fill in the blank]. If you can’t come up with good, solid reasons why your ex would improve the quality of your life and should be an important of your future, then how can your family and friends?

The last substantial talk you had with your family and friends probably came right after news of the breakup. You were a bundle of raw emotions, and they did nothing to help matters, just criticized your ex and criticized you for wanting to get back with him. You were furious. Maybe you even hung up on them and have since refused to talk to them. After all, why should you? They hurt you more at the time when you needed them most. Only now, you’re more isolated than ever, shut up with your dark thoughts.

It’s time to be honest. Did they express criticisms that you know in your heart are true? Admit to yourself that they may be correct, at least about some things. If they pointed out valid problems, then acknowledge it. You’ll have to deal with the problems that plagued your relationship in order to heal and be strong again. You’ll have to acknowledge what went wrong before you can make rmatters right, before you can get your ex back and have the kind of relationship you deserve.

You should clear the air with family and friends before launching any campaign to get your ex girlfriend back or win back your ex boyfriend. Why? Because you and your ex did not and will not live in a bubble. Your friend and your ex’s friends all send either supportive and damaging vibes your way. And should things go wrong again, then you’ll need the support of those who love you.

Finally, you need to appreciate their love and acknowledge it’s place in your life. Many times, we neglect our relatives and friends when we’re in love. Our boyfriend or girlfriend becomes “everything.” When he or she is suddenly gone, we feel abandoned, unloved and unlovable. Panic sets in. We need to remember that love actually surrounds us.

Remember: It’s not just a matter of making up, but making up the right way.

The good news is that many people have been in your exact same situation and survived. Yes, they made it! The bad news is that it’s not up to you to change your ex’s mind. They have to do that all by themselves. The more you try to “corral” this person, the less they’re going to like you. You cannot control someone else, no matter how hard you try. Yes, you can do to try and convince them you’re a better person, but you can’t make decisions for them.

You must keep going and rebuild your emotional life. The breakups hurts – it hurts so badly, like someone punched you in the chest – but you must move beyond that. Heartbreak is very real, so real that it could actually make you physically sick, and because it is so real, you must, absolutely must, not dwell on the past and on what you’ve lost.

Stay cool and take it slow. Don’t worry that playing a little hard to get will send him or her away again. If it does, then your ex was not really interested to begin with. But if your ex is sincerely interested, then making him work for your interest will only make him want you more. Give in too quickly, or seem overly eager, and you may find your ex heading back out the door. In fact, if your ex is sending signals that he or she wants you back, then the odds are that it was your apparent ability to be happy on your own that did it.

If you want your relationship to last, then remember: It’s not just a matter of making up, but making up the RIGHT way For compassionate, down-to-earth advice, visithttp://www.makinguptherightway.com.

Also of interest:

Man, oh, man! The breakup was a bad scene. You said things you know you shouldn’t have said and now you want to apologize. Problem is, she won’t have anything to do with you. Rejects your phone calls, bounces your emails. Tosses your letters away without even opening them. How are you going to get her back?

You love this woman. Crazy for her. You were an idiot to let her go. All you keep thinking of is, “How am I going to get her back? What can I do to get her back?”

Everything you do just seems to push her further away. You’re desperate. You can’t sleep. You miss her so much. You’re even thinking about staking out her job. Then it hits you. You’re losing it. You, a decent, normal, guy, are about to turn into one of those guys, a stalker. You don’t want to annoy her, or frighten her, or overwhelm her. What you do want to do is show her that you love her and convince her to come back to you. But how?

Let her be. Yikes! That’s not what you want to hear. Hold on.  Leaving her alone, for now, would be the best step to take. By giving her some space, you’ll show her that you’re not a nut, that you respect her wishes, and that you’re not trying to control her,

So, yeah, stay away if you want her back. Sounds contradictory, doesn’t it? Well, here’s the good news: You don’t have to stay away forever. Just for a very specific period of time. Staying away is the just the first step in a smart strategy to get her back, a strategy that works.

Dying to know what to do next? Visit http://makinguptherightway.com for compassionate, down-to-earth and effective advice on making up the RIGHT way.